It turns out that the 20s are a fairly angsty period of time. I have been in my third decade for seven and a half years and, frankly, I am done. This is not to say that I have hated every minute of my 20s or that I have been unhappy even most of the time. In fact, it has been quite the opposite. My 20s and, really, my whole life, have been blessed. I am very lucky.
The trouble is that I remember the intensity of my lust for life at 18 and now, at 27, it's been beaten down to a shadow of its former self. I don't know if it was the incessant moving, relationships, anxiety, indecision, piling responsibilities or, perhaps, a lumpy, grey mixture of it all. But, I do know that I want it back. And I have no idea how to do it.
And, things are coming to a head. I graduate from my master's program in May and my massive loans come due six months after that. Today, January 4th, I celebrate my third year anniversary with my girlfriend and I do not know if I want to continue in my relationship. I am very broke, all of the time, but I need to move into a living situation where I am the true master of my own affairs. My biological clock is ticking, but I am not ready for marriage and a family.
Rationally, I know that I cannot fix all of these problems at once or, maybe, at all.
Emotionally, I am drowning.
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