The Weight of This Work

Somedays, I can feel
My soul being pressed into 
Strong, sleek, clarity

Somedays, I can feel
My soul being burnished
To a fine glow

Sometimes, this work
Makes me feel strong.
As though I am moving towards my 

Final, Enlightened Self.

But.

Somedays, I feel like my
Soul is being pounded into 
Fine, gray, powder.

Or, gutted and
Ripped and 
Left to rot.

Somedays, my soul is diminished
See-through, as though crows have
Stolen threads to pad their own nests.

And, I sit, wondering:
What makes the difference?
And, importantly, which day will win?

Will my soul leave, crushed, diminished, decayed?
Or, will it shine, strong, ready for the next round?